When my relationship sooner ended, the expression “once you choose to go black, you never go-back” rang during my ears. It place me in a box, limiting me in ways i did not see until not too long ago. More attention I got from black people, the considerably white guys wanted to keep in touch with me, as though I have been eternally branded as a traitor. They appeared to be discouraged by my personal dozens of Facebook photographs with richer guys, leading to them to work before they even reached understand myself. “They may be riddled with intimately transmitted diseases” one ignorant chap messaged me personally on Tinder after seeing just one picture of me with black colored dudes to my profile. In their eyes, Ebony people happened to be dirty and unhealthy, which may merely mean a very important factor: I happened to be also.
As my chance with white men plummeted, I was inevitably pressed more towards black colored men. I began attending activities in which I found myself mostly of the white someone. Dudes would address myself, rarely staying away from getting my backside or asking the question, “and that means you like black guys?” I was generally that woman who was merely enthusiastic about dark colored men and suddenly, one’s body that took me years being more comfortable with became one I happened to be questioning once again. “You really have no a**, Erica” one guy stated at one of them activities as LL Cool J’s “Big Ole Butt” blasted through speakers, while another explained he had been ready to manage my decreased a chest because I had “an a** like a dancer.” Most tunes from the radio by black writers and singers did actually set emphasis on parts of the body that I became inadequate.